Spiritual Awakening/Let Me Out of This Body

In February this year I took ill. Lots of tests and a diagnosis of "post viral fatigue syndrome" which everyone else says in ME. I am not so sure.

This blog is not about my physical illness however being in denial about it is not good either.

I am in the house at the moment. Can't drive and can't walk far. I can manage to cook for myself, keep myself clean and do some very light tasks around the house. Things are improving -I am pleased to say - but not as fast as I would like.

Something else has been going on though - beyond the physical. I don't want to sound like a hippy or anything but I think I may be having some kind of spiritual awakening. (I am not religious and never have been). For me, religion is something that "other people" do, therefore I have no preconceptions of what a spiritual awakening is. The suggestion of an awakening actually came from my therapist.

About a year before this illness happened I kept stumbling across the word "Kundalini". Books I was reading would mention it, websites would mention it. (To be fair I have been studying astrology for the last four years so some of my reading associated with that was quite spiritual at times). However, I decided to ignore it apart from mentioning to my partner that I kept stumbling across references to kundalini and it was becoming wearisome.

Today, out of interest, I googled for "spiritual awakening" and a whole lot of stuff about Kundalini came up. It all seems to fit. Sites mention all of the weird physical symptoms I am experiencing and perhaps more importantly the emotions that accompany them.

Before I became physically unwell I had an intense feeling of loneliness. It didn't matter who I called, spoke to or saw I just couldn't connect at a deep enough level. I also wanted to "go home". I often found myself thinking/feeling this and saying to myself "you are at home, you are in your own house, what's wrong with you!". No matter, I felt I wasn't "at home".

At the worst stage I could barely get up the stairs without becoming completely physically exhausted. This is especially challenging for me as I think I used to be a bit addicted to "doing" things, anything, that would distract me from - me. That was back in mid March and since then I have quite "accidentally" followed a train of reading that has been increasingly spiritual in content.

At the moment I am reading "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramahansa Yogananda which is fascinating to me (I have always had a bit of a fascination with India anyway). Last night I woke up in the middle of the night (always 2 a.m. and apparently another symptom of Kundalini rising) with a "realisation" that I should I write a blog about my experiences at the moment and call it the "Yogi and I". So here goes.

Part of me is thinking "who on earth is going to be interested in this stuff?" and "this is difficult - I am a private person". If someone had told me six months ago I would reading all this stuff, feeling the way I do and feeling the need to share my experience with others I would never have believed!

I